I’ve read and listened to other people’s stories. I’ve cried tears for friends and strangers alike. I’ve lifted earnest prayers for people I know and love and people I’ve never met.
I’ve donated $1 here and $50 there, though it seems not nearly enough.
I’ve prepared a meal for another family, again, not nearly enough times.
All of my “good deeds” done over the years seem so underwhelming when considering the overwhelming support that has come our way ever since that day. The day we learned that our oldest son had a brain tumor. A cancerous brain tumor.
Emails. Phone calls. Cards and letters. Lovingly prepared home-cooked meals.
A running van.
Overwhelming.
The food has been wonderful. The offers of childcare have been such a blessing. But when my husband went to pick up our van from the repair shop in town yesterday and the guy said, “People were coming in all morning giving us money for you”, well that was too much…
Paid in full.
Overwhelming.
We live in a fairly small community, a place where ‘Minnesota nice’ really exists, a place where the local homeschooling community does things like stop by the neighborhood mechanic’s to make a donation towards the repairs of the vehicle belonging to a family in crisis. Our family. Our vehicle. The one that runs now, on all 8 cylinders 
IT Guy said that he had to wait a couple hours to even tell me because he was just too choked up to talk about it. Gratitude.
THANK YOU!
It is so humbling, to be filled with such gratitude, to think that so many people gave of their time and money, for us. An example of the love of Christ, we don’t deserve that either and yet He freely gives that we might freely receive, humbly, and filled with gratitude.
Overwhelming.
—–
Today was hard. When I arrived at the hospital in the late morning, Ian was pretty worn out. Physical therapy was harder for him today, and he was exhausted afterwards, so exhausted that I ended up taking baby Faith down to the cafeteria for a couple hours as she was baby squawking away so much that the poor guy couldn’t get any decent sleep.
It’s so hard to see him like this, my big strong healthy boy who walked into that hospital the morning of surgery on his own, never having needed assistance walking in his life. Now I see him shake, and wobble, unsteady on his feet, with 2 nurses helping use a walker to get to the bathroom, and I can hardly believe all that has happened in the past however many days. I need to look at my calendar, I keep forgetting what day it is, and how many days have passed…
I was planning on starting up our preschooling for this school year this week. Our 3 oldest children were scheduled to be away at church camp this past week, and I was going to take advantage of a week with only the youngest five kids and start easing back into some semblance of a schedule for our homeschool year. Instead, Liberty and Jaron went off to junior week without their big brother, who was intending on going along as a teen worker. He had worked so hard to earn the money to pay his own way to both weeks of camp, junior and senior weeks, and there he was, stuck in a hospital bed while the rest of life went on without him. His siblings and friends were doing camp things like riding horses, playing human foosball, swimming, and having devotions, and he was relearning to brush his teeth and feed himself.
Overwhelming.
Ian had an MRI of his full spine late this afternoon, to check for any signs of the cancer spreading. Medulloblastoma is a cancer of the nervous system, it is known to spread to the spine. We are hoping and praying that it hasn’t! Things went so late today that all of the doctors working with Ian were gone for the day and so we won’t know anything about the MRI results until sometime tomorrow. Again with the nervous waiting.
Overwhelming.
Ian has been an amazing trooper throughout everything that has happened to him in the past couple weeks, but tonight he was scared, and it broke me. He cried and my heart ached like I cannot even put into words. Some of you reading know that ache, and those of you that don’t, I hope and pray that you never will. I cried agonizing silent tears as I prayed and prayed for my son to be flooded with that precious Peace that passes understanding.
I read a letter to him tonight, a letter that moved us all to tears. I’ll share the details soon, as it deserves a post of its own, and I’m extremely tired.
Thank you again for loving us through this…
***That facebook page? It’s up to 26,078 “attending”!!!
Oh my goodness. I’m overwhelmed for you. I know just what you mean, when you say you’ve prayed in earnest for someone you’ve never met. Lately God has burdened my heart for you and Ian especially. Two perfect strangers, yet my heart aches and breaks as I read every word you give us. I imagine you still see him as your baby, your firstborn. And I can feel how desperately you want peace for him. I’m joining you in that prayer. And praying that you can feel some of the burden lifted as your readers join with you in petitioning God for mercy and healing and peace. Sorry to ramble. I’ll get to praying now
Oh, how I wish I could be there to help you physically!! May you, Ian and your family continue to feel God’s overwhelming love for you! I’m praying and praying for you guys!!
Ali,
I’ve been following along on your blog the last few weeks. I’ve been lifting your family up in prayers daily. My heart breaks for you and your family as you go through this extremely difficult path. My heart breaks a little bit more because my family knows the fear and scariness the words brain tumor reads. 2 years ago my brother was diagnosed with a brain tumor at the age of 27. It’s been a scary scary road, but we’re leaning into Christ and His promises. I wanted to just encourage you and share my brothers blog with you. I thought maybe at some point it may be an encouragement to your son. My deepest desire is to let you know that I’m praying for you and your family daily. Praying for healing, peace, and miracles. http://web.me.com/davidwebb21/Trusting_in_God/About_Me.html
I’m not sure if there is anything a reader in Oregon can do to help, but if there is please let me know.
Praying and trusting in Him.
Blessings, Cathy
This post made me want to weep for joy for you (mind you I’m already emotional from being pregnant) but that is so amazing! God is good!
Hi im Jeremy and in 2009 I was diagnosed with venous angioma and if you or your son would ever like someone to talk to I would love to talk and my mother would also love to talk I know its not the same issue but if you would like to contact me my email is jbird8899@aim.com
My prayers are with Ian and your family
Jeremy
I read your blog regularly and even though my life is really different from yours – I live in France, I don’t home school, we’re not particularly religious and my kids have not been brought up in a faith – my heart goes out to you. I can’t begin to imagine the pain and heartache you must be going through. It’s every parents worst nightmare. I’m so glad to hear that you’ve been getting help from your community. My thoughts and heartfelt prayers go out to you and Ian and I even though my faith is not as strong as yours, I will keep pray for you.
Ali,
Continuing to pray for God’s miraculous intervention for your family. May God’s peace reign down on you during this time.
Judi
Praying that God will cover Ian in peace. Praying for a clear MRI as well.
What an amazing story of support from your community. It brought tears to my eyes.
Lifting you all up in prayer.
Ali,
I come back day after day, and I read, and I pray, and I hope, and I struggle for words that won’t form for me.
They still won’t. They feel cold, and empty, and that’s not at all how I want them to feel when I re-read them before hitting that submit button.
Just know that there are so many of us out here who can’t bring those meals, but would, can’t take the kids for a bit, but want to, can’t do so many things. But, we can pray. So we do. For Ian, for you, for your family. We pray.
This support is amazing! The burden is heavy but God is coming and overwhelming you with His love. I love seeing the hands and feet of God at work.
Praying and praying for Ian.
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Ali, Praying for you and Ian and your family! I don’t know you, but am a mama of 4 sons, and when I was in the deepest need of my life, God gave me Psalm 20. Basically it says, that God hears you, and may He answer the deepest cries of your heart. We will shout for JOY when you are victorious!! Praying and believing that God loves you and your family, and that He has good plans for Ian to give him a hope and a future!! Thank you Lord!! May God’s healing hand remove all the cancer and heal and restore every cell of Ian’s body! New strength to Ian and the whole family! God’s arm is NOT too short to save, and NOTHING is impossible for Him!! He spoke the world into existence with a word! Declaring that NO weapon formed against you shall prosper, in Jesus’ name! Blessings from this mama to you and your family!
Praying for peace and comfort for your family and a clean MRI for Ian.
I am praying for your strength and comfort throughout this mountain in your lives. Sara Shull and I were wives PHTS (putting hubby through seminary) together in the early 90s at Southwestern Seminary in Fort Worth, Texas. She brought your need to my attention, and I am honored to bring you, your son, and your family before God’s throne in intercession.
Oh, Ali. Tears for both of you. Really, all of you. No, I haven’t felt that mom fear so I won’t say I understand. I hurt for you though. I pray for you. I’ll pray hard for your Ian tonight. For peace. For hope. For joy.
Prayers for all of you, going up all the time. No mother, no child, no one, should have to go through this. May God keep you wrapped in His arms and bring you peace and strength amid the chaos.
You have encouraged me so many times as I walk the motherhood road. Please know I am praying for you all daily.
Oh Alli… Overwhelmed for you, not just for the love bestowed upon your family but for God’s grace in time of need. Never too early or late, but always just in time. I weep, pray and give thanks with you, my precious friend!