I’ve read and listened to other people’s stories. I’ve cried tears for friends and strangers alike. I’ve lifted earnest prayers for people I know and love and people I’ve never met.
I’ve donated $1 here and $50 there, though it seems not nearly enough.
I’ve prepared a meal for another family, again, not nearly enough times.
All of my “good deeds” done over the years seem so underwhelming when considering the overwhelming support that has come our way ever since that day. The day we learned that our oldest son had a brain tumor. A cancerous brain tumor.
Emails. Phone calls. Cards and letters. Lovingly prepared home-cooked meals.
A running van.
The food has been wonderful. The offers of childcare have been such a blessing. But when my husband went to pick up our van from the repair shop in town yesterday and the guy said, “People were coming in all morning giving us money for you”, well that was too much…
Paid in full.
We live in a fairly small community, a place where ‘Minnesota nice’ really exists, a place where the local homeschooling community does things like stop by the neighborhood mechanic’s to make a donation towards the repairs of the vehicle belonging to a family in crisis. Our family. Our vehicle. The one that runs now, on all 8 cylinders
IT Guy said that he had to wait a couple hours to even tell me because he was just too choked up to talk about it. Gratitude.
It is so humbling, to be filled with such gratitude, to think that so many people gave of their time and money, for us. An example of the love of Christ, we don’t deserve that either and yet He freely gives that we might freely receive, humbly, and filled with gratitude.
Today was hard. When I arrived at the hospital in the late morning, Ian was pretty worn out. Physical therapy was harder for him today, and he was exhausted afterwards, so exhausted that I ended up taking baby Faith down to the cafeteria for a couple hours as she was baby squawking away so much that the poor guy couldn’t get any decent sleep.
It’s so hard to see him like this, my big strong healthy boy who walked into that hospital the morning of surgery on his own, never having needed assistance walking in his life. Now I see him shake, and wobble, unsteady on his feet, with 2 nurses helping use a walker to get to the bathroom, and I can hardly believe all that has happened in the past however many days. I need to look at my calendar, I keep forgetting what day it is, and how many days have passed…
I was planning on starting up our preschooling for this school year this week. Our 3 oldest children were scheduled to be away at church camp this past week, and I was going to take advantage of a week with only the youngest five kids and start easing back into some semblance of a schedule for our homeschool year. Instead, Liberty and Jaron went off to junior week without their big brother, who was intending on going along as a teen worker. He had worked so hard to earn the money to pay his own way to both weeks of camp, junior and senior weeks, and there he was, stuck in a hospital bed while the rest of life went on without him. His siblings and friends were doing camp things like riding horses, playing human foosball, swimming, and having devotions, and he was relearning to brush his teeth and feed himself.
Ian had an MRI of his full spine late this afternoon, to check for any signs of the cancer spreading. Medulloblastoma is a cancer of the nervous system, it is known to spread to the spine. We are hoping and praying that it hasn’t! Things went so late today that all of the doctors working with Ian were gone for the day and so we won’t know anything about the MRI results until sometime tomorrow. Again with the nervous waiting.
Ian has been an amazing trooper throughout everything that has happened to him in the past couple weeks, but tonight he was scared, and it broke me. He cried and my heart ached like I cannot even put into words. Some of you reading know that ache, and those of you that don’t, I hope and pray that you never will. I cried agonizing silent tears as I prayed and prayed for my son to be flooded with that precious Peace that passes understanding.
I read a letter to him tonight, a letter that moved us all to tears. I’ll share the details soon, as it deserves a post of its own, and I’m extremely tired.
Thank you again for loving us through this…
***That facebook page? It’s up to 26,078 “attending”!!!